Sunday, 29 April 2018

The Psychological Aspect of Self Presentation, 2

Confidence is like a muscle. The more we use it, the stronger it becomes. But we don’t start with a marathon or working with very heavy weights, we build up our confidence muscle with training. And the more we train, the more we can attempt. Setting ourselves goals and achieving them increases our confidence. When I work with clients, I tell them I can’t sprinkle fairy dust on them and instantly make them great presenters. I view myself as being like a personal trainer and coach, so I can teach them specific techniques to practice to improve the physical aspects of their voice, poise and posture. Then I can coach them around their mindset and how it’s supporting or undermining their delivery. But then they need to do their own work on their body and mindsets, and the more they practice the better they get.

We looked at some of these mindsets in my first blog on the psychological aspect of presentation, and the introduction of the notion of Nits and Pets.

Another approach is very much drawn from meditation and gets us seeing our thoughts as mental events rather than realities. So when we meditate, we start by observing our breath and then move onto observing our thoughts. One technique is to imagine our mind as a a blue summer sky and the thoughts as small clouds, appearing and disappearing. We focus on the stillness and blueness of our mind, and when we become aware we’ve been distracted by a thought, let it go and return to the blue sky. That sky is always there, we just have to look beyond or behind the clouds to focus on it again. Another exercise we can do is to briefly label the thoughts before letting them go - “domestic chatter”, “work related”, “future planning”, “replaying the past”. We train our minds to notice them and then let them go as mental events that aren’t of use right now. We then bring this training into the rest of life, so we can observe thoughts that aren’t serving us, that are just a distraction or even plainly untrue, and let them go, again labelling them before dispatching them if that’s useful.

Another technique is to notice our relationship with our self. When we are self aware, we are conscious of our impact on others and we try to live an an open and skilful way. When we are self conscious, we are so wrapped up in our own discomfort, we are closed, and clumsy in our dealings with others, imagining them judging us and finding us wanting. As a presenter it’s good to tell yourself to get over yourself! It’s not all about you, it’s about your message and sharing it as a gift with your audience in the present moment, being totally present with your story and who you are telling it to. W. Timothy Gallwey of the Inner Game books has an interesting approach to the self. All his books are based on the idea of Self 1 and Self 2. Self 1 is our inner judgemental, critical voice, giving commands and an ongoing critique, a know it all who doesn’t really trust Self 2. Self 2 is more the self we were as children before we had lots of harsh interventions from parents, teachers and “friends”, who when left to get on with it has enormous potential to learn and perform. Think of Self 2 as us “in the flow”, so absorbed in an activity we enjoy that we don’t hear or listen to Self 1 and are at our very best. When we hear Self 1 and start to recognise this inner dialogue isn’t helpful, let it go and relax into Self 2.

Do you relate to or find any of these concepts helpful? If so, let me know.

Wednesday, 25 April 2018

British Meditation School

When I first decided to train with the British School of Meditation as an accredited meditation teacher, it was to help with my one to one work with business leaders. I’m a coach and trainer, specialising in self presentation and communication. I draw on my background as a broadcaster, but also as someone who has meditated for many years, to deliver this. As I experimented with techniques to facilitate better communication, like working with the breath, the posture and being fully in the present moment, it became clear I was incorporating mindfulness and clients were responding well to this. This being the case, I wanted to understand better the wider context for the role of mindfulness in developing leaders, the evidence for its benefits for mental resilience and well being, to learn further meditation tools beyond my own practice, and to have an external validation that an accredited course and membership of a professional meditation body, that required ongoing CPD, would give me.

Without question it has benefited my one to one work. But it’s also led me to do corporate work with teams which I’m finding very rewarding. The business world is becoming more aware of the cost of days lost by employees taking time off because of stress, or by employees underperforming because of feeling under too much pressure. Mindfulness can’t change external factors, but it can change how we react to them, making us feel calmer and more in control.

Most recently I’ve started working with the Gloucestershire firm, BPE Solicitors. At the start of the year they ran a series of well being events for their staff, delivered by different practitioners. One of their team had worked with me before, and asked if I’d be interested in running a mindfulness event. I delivered 2 sessions, each of an hour, to 2 groups of 20, looking at some definitions of mindfulness as well as introducing some breathing and visualisation techniques to experience it. The staff reaction to this was very positive, so they invited me to provide one day a month of 2/3 sessions (depending on numbers as we are trying to keep the groups down to 10 or less) up until the end of the year.

Amanda Coleman, HR Manager at BPE Solicitors, says “We value the productivity and commitment of our teams but know they need to look after themselves to sustain this. These sessions have proved popular and effective, so we’re pleased to support them”.

The attendees are responsive and clearly appreciate that BPE are happy to invest in their emotional and mental health. If nothing else, the sessions give them time to step away from their desks and discover how 40 minutes of meditation can make them feel both calmer and recharged. But I’m also exploring with them what techniques work particularly well for them, so that if they wish, they can start using them within much shorter sessions on their own. I’m emphasising too that mindfulness isn’t just about sitting and focusing on their breath, mantras or visualisations. It’s also about a certain level of awareness we can bring to all sorts of everyday activities to step off the treadmill for a few moments of being present.

Over the next few months, we’ll be continuing to work with tools to help us be physically centred and more relaxed. We’ll be looking at how to calm our minds, then start to watch our minds and stop our thoughts from overwhelming us. And we’ll work with our senses to be more fully present in the moment, using sight, sound, smell and taste (the very popular mindful chocolate eating exercise!).

Tuesday, 9 August 2016

The Psychological Aspect of Self Presentation, 1

There are physical aspects to how we come over when we present to an audience – how we stand, what our eye contact is like, how we are dressed, what we’re doing with our hands – and they can be altered through training. They are all about how we look and sound when we present.

The psychological aspects are how we feel when we present, and how we make our audience feel – a coaching approach works best for these. It’s the first of these I want to deal with in this blog – how we feel when we are presenting.

As a communication coach, I try to work out with my clients, what they are telling themselves that is undermining their own performance.  Because whatever it is, it will become true.  If you keep telling yourself you can’t think on your feet, or you tell yourself that if you prepare as much as you can then you’re ready for anything, it will become true.  That’s the power of iteration, and knowing its power we should be finding useful things to tell ourselves. I use a technique we were taught on the BBC Coach Foundation Course – turning your NITs into PETs.  Your NITs are your Negative, Inhibiting Thoughts, and your PETs are your Performance Enhancing Thoughts, and we’d all prefer to have pets than nits.  Work out what your inner voice is telling you.  Are you catastrophizing – this will end in disaster?  Are you over generalizing – my presentations are always rubbish?  Or worse, are we telling ourselves something that somebody once said to us – nobody likes a show off, or what makes you think anyone’s interested in what you have to say?  If we consider these statements logically, they are probably not true and certainly not helpful; they are false beliefs that limit our behavior and ambition.  So what could we replace them with?

Here’s where the PET makes its entrance.  The PET is a reframing of the NIT, coming at it from a different direction, which must feel true and authentic.  Nobody likes a show off was one of my NITS as I heard it so often in my early adolescence, and it really did inhibit my behavior.  But then I realized I could choose when it was appropriate to “show off” and that what I was showing off wasn’t all about me, but about my message.  So now my PET is, people really appreciate my energy and enthusiasm in getting my message across.  That’s true, and the more I feel its truth the truer it becomes.  So think what your NIT is, find another way of coming at it, and then replace it with a PET that feels authentic to you.  Start noticing when that inner voice is coming up with those negative thoughts, and disempower them with your PET.  And hear and feel that inner voice enjoying your PET instead. The more you do, the more resonant that PET becomes and the more it influences your behavior.

Monday, 25 July 2016

Take a Deep Breath - for Composure

Breathing in is great.  But breathing out is even better.  Working with your exhalation can increase your ability to be calm and cool when all around you are hyperventilating. 

If you think of the instruction to take a deep breath, it’s often an exhortation to action in an unknown or threatening situation.  The breath in question is a long inhale, followed by an short explosive out breath as we launch into battle.  It’s all very fight or flight, and the physiological effect of this sort of breathing on us is just that. Our nervous system and stress related hormones fire up to help us race away from danger or attack it head on.  But most of the time there is no real danger, we’re just over reacting to an irritation.  With an exhale we can prevent getting irritated in the first place and stop this constant firing up that just increases our stress levels.  

Here are some techniques working with the exhale.

Take that deep breath in.  But then hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale in a slow and measured way.  Try this over a few breaths several times a day and specifically before you do something that unnerves you. 

Or you can work with breath ratios.  Observe your breath for a few rounds of inhaling and exhaling, counting up to six mentally for each inhale and exhale until you are comfortable with what speed you need to count at to make each breath part last six.  Then breathe in, hold, breathe out, hold, for the following ratios:

inhale 6 hold 2 exhale 6 hold 2

Again try this when you want to be more relaxed,

Lastly, here’s a form of relaxing breathing that has the added benefit of improving the quality of your voice and your ability to project it without straining.  It’s diaphragm breathing, and singers, actors and sportspeople use it to enhance their performance.  It’s also used by therapists to work with a number of conditions.  But everyone can benefit from learning to relax and improve the quality of their breathing.

You might like to begin by lying down flat on your back before you try it sitting down and then standing.  Once you have got the hang of it, you can do it any position, though your back needs to be straight to ensure the oxygen has an unimpeded flow to your stomach area. 

Lie flat on your back, with a cushion under your head if that’s more comfortable.  If there is any lower back strain, bend your knees and keep your feet flat on the floor.  Place one hand on your chest and one on your tummy button.  Start to notice your breath and then check your are breathing deeply enough that you feel with your hands a movement in both your chest and stomach moving outward as you inhale and inward as you exhale.  Ideally the lower hand over your stomach should rise before the hand on your chest as you inhale and sink after the hand on your chest as you exhale.

Now try it sitting down with your back straight.  Again notice the natural rise and fall of the breath in your chest and stomach against your hands, with the inhale starting from your stomach and the exhale ending there. 

Finally try it standing up.  Once you have established the pattern you won’t need to use your hands and you can practice it anywhere.  This is the sort of breathing you aim to use during a presentation to maximise your quality of voice in terms of its range and resonance as well as keeping your performance full of composure.


If you haven’t tried any of these before, let me know how you get on.  Or if you have other breathing techniques to help with performance or relaxation, please share them,

Breathe for Confidence

Breath is such an everyday action that we all take for granted.  Yet being more aware of our breath can have a huge impact on how we present ourselves, how we feel giving presentations
and the impact we have on others. 

The simple act of focussing on our breath for a couple of minutes calms us right down.  Try it.  Close or lower your eyes and just observe your breath as it enters and leaves your body.  To keep your focus, mentally recite breathing in as you inhale and breathing out as you exhale.  And that’s all.  You aren’t trying to slow down your breath, but this may happen naturally as you observe yourself breathing in and breathing out. 

Now notice how you feel.  Words people often use in feedback are that they are feeling calmer, more relaxed, more peaceful.  What’s happening on a physical level is that as our breath slows and gets deeper, more oxygen gets to our blood flow which increases, our heart rate slows down, our nervous system relaxes and our muscle tension lessens.  As our breathing slows and deepens we are creating the optimum conditions for our voice to be at its best.  Breath coming from our stomach produces a more resonant sound that can be projected easily and pleasantly. 

Contrast this to how we feel when we are angry or nervous.  We clench and tense our muscles, we close in on ourselves, and our breathing quickens and becomes more shallow resulting in a sound produced in the throat that’s not so firm and can even have tremors or shakes.  So taking the time to breathe in a more self aware way for a few moments before we present something, and then to continue this pace of breathing as we present, makes us feel calm and sound calm.  Because we’re breathing deeper we don't have to keep catching our breath.  When we do breathe, we pause slightly before continuing which stops us gabbling and enables our audience to catch up. And to maximise the flow of oxygen, we add posture to the mix.  Instead of a closing in posture, associated with nervousness or anger, we open out, our shoulders slightly back, our spine straight but not rigid, probably standing, and this allows the breath to flow through the nose and mouth and down to the chest and stomach in an unrestricted way, again making us feel and look confident. 

So breath is the vehicle for our voice physically but also affects how we feel delivering our message and how we are perceived as we speak.  Practicing observing our breath sitting down, then adding posture as we stand and watch our breath, is an easy and accessible way to start nurturing our confidence as a speaker. 

Please let me know if you have any questions about this, or if you have experience of working with your breath to change your mindset or your voice.